ambulance bullhorn.

Starting my Freshman year, I made this one wish - to purchase a bullhorn and keep it in my vehicle. At the time I planned on using it mainly to be obnoxious, but mostly to be awesomely hilarious. Now that I am much older and much wiser, I can see greater benefits for such an item. Examples......

• Yelling at the emo student walking (slowly and emo-y) in front of my car when I have a green light and he clearly has the red hand thingy at the crosswalk.
• Yelling at the person going 25 in a 40.
• Yelling at the idiot blaring his horrible music in the ugliest car ever, next to me at the stoplight.
• Yelling at the idiot driving manically all over the road whilst talking on his cell phone. If you're not coordinated to do both, might I suggest focusing on the task that could kill someone.
  
• Saying hi to people I know as I drive by and explain why I can't offer them a ride.
  

Oh the possibilities are endless.

But then the other night, while waiting to for the light to turn green, I hear this in a loud booming voice, "Jason. What are you doing? And where is your helmet?"

It was some EMS peeps in an ambulance behind me talking to the motorcyclist next to me through some sort of bullhorn equipped in the vehicle.

Dude. Where can I get me an ambulance?

And no, Jason was not wearing a helmet.

lessons learned.

• I really really need a "No Soliciting" Sign.
• 5k = doable. 10k = kill me.
• Leaving PG alone to nap in our room (with the door open) = finding my door closed and locked with a toddler behind it smearing Vaseline all over himself, the wall, our duvet and neatly lining up our razors according to size. Dude.
  
• Zombie tired apparently = frosting and Diet Coke for breakfast. Again. How odd....and delicious.
  
• Is it possible for us to move to a state that I am not allergic to?

lessons learned.

• I'm back....In black.
  
• Apparently if we left our laptop charger in a different state, but there's still a fully functional puter in the house, I feel it impossible to check my email, post, surf the world wide web etc. because I have to make the trek downstairs. It may as well be in China. Oh Lappy charger, how I miss you.
• If you buy a half bushel of peaches with the intent of canning them, then book a last minute trip out of town - be prepared with plan B. This may include staying up until midnight peeling and slicing those bad boys for the freezer. Cause there's no way I'm letting that half bushel I waited forEVER for go to waste, dammit.
• I purchased an article of clothing from SHADE. And a swimmy suit earlier this summer. Its as if I've thrown my morals out the window. Next step - bonnet and jello casserole.
  
• Differences between jogging my normal route vs. jogging in Golden Gate park. There's more homeless in the latter - which is good, cause its never smart to jog alone.
  And its beautiful. And AND its 65 degrees.
  
• Quite sure PG dropped the s-bomb when he slipped in the tub. Quite. Oh heck!
• Is $99 too much to spend on headphones? What if I told you they never ONCE fell out of my ear or had to be readjusted? (I haven't purchased them yet, I just borrowed a pair to test them out). Why? Why so expensive? Let me add my spouse totally disagrees and thinks they are worth every penny. How could I marry such a ear phones high roller?
  

SF.

In SF. Well, coming home. BOO. 

I know you are totally worried, but don't be. I'll be back. Consider this some sort of intermission. . 

lessons learned.

• 5 miles and I only wanted to slit my wrists twice.
• Cupcakes from scratch are the bane of my existence. Apparently its rocket science.
  
• Nothin' like your child's diaper full of bark.
  
• Does anyone out there really eat Spam? I mean really?
• Sometimes, its just worth it to pay retail for jeans. New fabulous jeans.
  
• Also worth it to get a sitter so you can shop for said jeans in peace. Thanks Kristin!
• The students are back. Which equals = crowded stores, impossible dinner reservations and tom foolery only Mormon coeds could scheme up. It was hilarious when we did it, but come on! (Am I right?)
  
  

make up.

There comes a time in every woman's life where she probably should wear make up, even if she doesn't want to. The luxury of getting by on a little gloss and mascara has gone by the way side. I passed that point awhile ago. I'm aware, but for now I don't plan on doing anything about it. Suck it.

lessons learned.

• If you plan on any sort of travel, your child will get sick the day before. NEVER FAILS.
• Did anyone ever watch that mid 90's tv show the Critic? Its amazing. Truly.
• Fish tacos - its been too long.
• Staying out late with friends and eating horribly unhealthy food has the same affect as working out everyday. I'm sure of it.
  
• I conquered the drive from B-town to home. Just me and the kid. I'm alive. That's all I have to say about that.
  
• Note to you people who just can't keep quiet when it calls for it (small confined areas like an elevator, movies, church etc). We can hear you loud and clear - but we really, really wish we couldn't.