Breastfeeding - not for the immature.

I'm trying not to talk too much about pregnancy related issues (boring!) But this is a goodie. Seeing that Dino will be here sometime in the next 8 weeks, Dave and I embarked on our very first prenatal classes. They included 2 general classes, a hospital tour, and a breastfeeding class. We finished up with the breastfeeding one on Monday. I have to say that I had no idea what to expect with the BF class. And although the concept seems simple, I knew there were probably logistics I was not aware of - and therefore this class would be beneficial.

Beneficial? Perhaps - but there are really no words to describe. I was an absolute mess. I could not stop laughing the entire time, and it wasn't that the subject matter made me uncomfortable or anything.....I'll let you be the judge - here are some highlights.

• Teacher: typical sweet, squatty, early 50's-ish lactation consultant who's motto is "breastfeed or die".
• Props: She brought little pillows that looked like boobs.
• Demos: You'd think the little pillows that looked like boobs would be used in the demonstrations, but you're wrong. She used her own! Obviously she had clothes on - but what the f? I literally had to plug my nose to stop the laughter when she held up the duo breast-pump to her chest.
  
• Michael Jordan: She credited Michael Jordon being the athlete he is today b/c he was breastfed until he was 3.5 years of age.
  
• How long to BF: She recommended minimum - breastfeeding your child until they are 1, but said 2-3 years old is preferred.
• Bottles? Pacifiers? The Devils work!: She said absolutely no pacifiers or bottles for your child until they are at least 4 weeks old....it will derail how they are learning to breastfeed.
  
• No Sleep@ the Hospital: After your new baby has arrived, you have the option of having him sleep in the nursery. The nurses will bring him in when its time for him to eat, or whenever you like. This is so mom can recover. BUT if you are breastfeeding - forget it! you must have your baby in room at all times.
  
• Visitors Shmisitors: If your child needs to breastfeed, and you have hospital visitors - tell them now is not a good time.
  
• Cherry on Top: We got a HUGE packet of the course material. Here is an actual quote: "The choices we make are never easy Harry, but in the end they make us who we are" - Dumbledore, Harry Potter - Order of the Phoenix
  

I can't say that I didn't learn what I needed to. But what a journey it was. R.I.P.