lessons learned.

• Would I still be just as awesome if I gave up symphony? "Its getting tired in here". Plus I have a sneaking suspicion that no one thinks I'm as funny as I really am. I simply cannot creatively thrive in such an environment.
• Do you know what else is funny? Watching my husband's reaction as he tracks his caloric intake on MyFitnessPal.com. "WHAT?! I just ate 700 calories?!" Yes. Sir. Yes you did. Don't mind your wife's advice for the past 3 years. By all means, just believe everything the puter says. SERIOUSLY.
• PG only whines when I do his hair. Proof that its programmed from birth...(in robot voice) "Mother. Is. Nearby. Must. Only. Communicate. Through. High. Pitched. Annoying. Vocals..."
• Christmas Trees: I must be doing something wrong cuz.....Set up hassle + time on display does not = worth it.
• I pride myself on making awesome food....aaaand duplicating favorite dishes from restaurants. But I cannot, can-NOT, get Indian Food as good as I know it can be. INDIA - WHAT IS YOUR DELICIOUS SECRET?

way to go, fattie.

I do not kid when I say I have consumed a ridiculous amount of food over the past 3 weeks. If I were a bear, I'd be sleeping comfortably through the next 2 winters at the very least. Good thing we're home, cause at the pace I was going I'd have to be crane lifted to Jerry Springer in the very near future.

Although I don't take pictures of myself gorging, here are some examples:

Who needs plates? That's how we roll.

Who needs dinner when you can stroll into grandma's pantry and down 2 lbs of M&Ms before anyone finds you?

And I won't say how many of these actually made it out of the house to our party......so many brave souls on that plate. They fought a good fight, but they didn't stand a chance.

Also - you know you've made a gargantuan amount of pies when you your brother walks out of the kitchen eating a slice like its a piece of pizza.

Viva la holidays. I love you so.

a festivus for the rest of us.

we're ALIVE. Here's a holiday montage...

Fiesta on Christmas Eve.

A new tradition. "Birthday Cake for Jesus" (thanks PG). That's a tradition I can live with.

This is what your kids look like when you tell them we're waiting until after church to open presents....

Despite our best efforts, there we too, too many presents....

And this may have been my gift to Dave.....

I'll say it again - he's such a lucky guy....

Merry Christmas. Heart, the Allers.

the house insanity built.

This year we finally got around to doing an Advent Calendar - 1 Christmas-y thing each day until we reach the big 25. Last week one of the days was "build a gingerbread house". I even cheated and bought a kit (an awesome kit from Costco for $9.99 - seriously Costco, is there anything you can't do?).

I thought it would be an amazingly pleasant evening of Christmas music and decorating. It quickly turned into candy begging and escalating questions..."Mom, mom, mom, MOOOOOM. When is it my turn? Can I put some candy on? CAN I PUT SOME CANDY ON.....? And Ells just sounded like a distressed seal - high pitch squeaks. Holy. Moly. My sanity.

I'm not sure why I expected a 4 year old and 1.5 year old to sit calmly as I divvied out bags of candy, and patiently watch me frost the house so they could decorate it. (Its not like I could just give them the frosting, right?) What is the system? There has to be a system......

After about 10 minutes of the worst frosting of a house I've ever seen, and the kids not getting candy quickly enough - they resorted to this.

Playing with boxes......

I was horrified by my icing abilities. What's happened to me? It reminded me of this comparison I saw on Wikipedia.....Caffeinated spider web vs. non Caffeinated spider web. (just webs, no spiders...)

Caffeinated. (screaming children)

Non caffienated. SILENCE whilst I frosted......Look at that beautiful bottom row.

Here is the final blinding product. PS: The gingerbread men that came with the kit are not to scale by any stretch of the imagination. There is no way they are fitting through that teeny, tiny door.

Ho. Ho. Ho.

lessons learned.

• I have no idea how I'm awake right now. Let alone baking for the church Christmas party tonight.
• We're missing PG's school Christmas recital. I told his teacher we'd be out of town, and she seemed like it was the worst news she's ever heard. Now I have guilt.
• For Christmas all I want is to wash, dry and straighten my hair. Just once this month. Come on Santa!
• Peanut butter blossom recipe = 1 million dozen cookies. "THERE ARE DOZENS OF US! DOZENS!!".
• Its decided. I'm awkward. It takes me along time to get to the point where I am comfortable being super friendly. So if you barely know me, I promise I'm not rude. Just awkward. And a little crazy.
• Below happened just after washing the car....on the windshield right in front of my face. Pretty much sums up my day. Yup.

the day to end all days.....

I turned old over the weekend. And since I knew my other half was going to be gone, I planned ahead with a variety of babysitters and self indulgent activities. Such as this....

Also my blessed sister and brother in law Kat and Bryn were in town. They made me this deliciously glorious "Kathy Aller Style" cake. It was tremendous. And I may or may not have had the leftovers for dinner this evening.

30 M&Ms and 30 candles on that bad boy.

PG's standard cheesy/weird grin + Dave on FaceTime.

Bryn, Kat and what appears to be Ells engulfed in flames. She wasn't.....almost.....but wasn't. I'm such a good parent.

I rarely get pedicures, so I thought this was the perfect occasion to schedule one (+ a foot massage). But when my masseuse showed me my locker and robe, I was all "Uh, is that necessary for a foot massage?". We deciphered there was a miscommunication in scheduling and that I, in fact, had not scheduled a full body massage. They couldn't reschedule me that night. FAIL. So, I ordered curbside Carrabbas and then went grocery shopping....Which will definitely attest to my new elderly-ness since I found eating alone, and grocery shopping alone completely awesome. The whole day was awesome in fact.

I've been dreading 30 for awhile. But it hasn't been as depressing as I thought it would be. And as the wisest mother of them all pointed out....Whelp, its not like 20 somethings rule the world.

Touche. Mom. Touche.

lessons learned.

• Special K and Diet Coke. Breakfast of champions.
• Left a voicemail and used the nonword "tooken"......"TOOKEN"?! I wanted to call back and 'splain just how tired I was, but decided that would make the damage worse.
• Dear Deceptively Delicious. Your recipes are deceptively time consuming and not delicious. But I'm good for one more round.
• What are cute kids good for? Free car scent tree at the car wash. "I'm taking this!!" (Grabs a scent tree and inhales). Ahhhhhhhh". If anyone can reference that quote you can be my BFF.
• Nation: I'm turning 30 this weekend, which means the end of the world is imminent. So....brace yourselves?
• I also feel that turning 30 justifies me buying whatever I want, whenever I want all month long. So, spouse......brace yourself?